He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
