Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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