If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
