Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
where am i from again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
