Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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