Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
