if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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