We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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