best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
