I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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