I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
