After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
