Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
