dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
