Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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