my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
