I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
