I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
