So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
