maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize