Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
