I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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