k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
