Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
True college students do jello shots in the library
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