She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
