I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
