Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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