i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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