That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
