The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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