Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
false alarm, still single
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize