I hate all girls vehemently.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize