I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
