I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
