he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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