some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
