I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
