i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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