You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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