Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
