My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
