I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
