First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
