Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
