I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
