I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
