so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
