Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
