We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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