Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
