So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
