we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
be right there i have to get my cape
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
