come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
