remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
