I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
