I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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