So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
