She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
