mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
