Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
