When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
