im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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