You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
