It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
