oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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