yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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