so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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