Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
