My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
