Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
