Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
