dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Pooping to opera.
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