Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
