I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry my hands just texted you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
