can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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