walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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