she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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