I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
