i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
