3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
