Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
