so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
