you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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