I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize