Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
