Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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