Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i will never coherently bang her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
