"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
