Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
