I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
