Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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