6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize