Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
