so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
