I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
