yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
