I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
