btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
