My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
