Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
