she woke up with a sticky ear
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
