You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
