She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
