when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
