I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
