Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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